the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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