i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
