She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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