My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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