You made me cry and you don't even care
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
