Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
