Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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