please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
