she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
