I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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