you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found your dick twin last night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
