Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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