My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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