wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
