All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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