she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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