eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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