We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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