Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
