My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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