stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
