My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
