I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
