You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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