does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
