u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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