is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
