I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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