3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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