you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
