Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize