this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
this hospital has no fireball
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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