just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry about my life...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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