I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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