Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
