Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
