Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
