I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
