drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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