My balls are so social today.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
