I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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