i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
