My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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