All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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