She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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