Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
