I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're like the curious george of whores
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize