I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???