i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Still dying that you shit outside
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
