No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
