I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.