Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back