apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.