Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes