apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.