I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea